3 ways to be a happier person

Focusing on one’s body, eliminating clutter and cultivating relationships are three of the most important aspects to being happier, author and keynote speaker Gretchen Rubin said at WJA’s In the Know conference Tuesday.

Brecken Branstrator brecken.branstrator@nationaljeweler.com

Gretchen Rubin was one of the keynote speakers at WJA’s In the Know conference in New York Tuesday, where she spoke to the audience about how to be happier.

New York--Though happiness means something different to everyone and our disposition is hard-wired to a certain extent, there still are things one can do to be happier, according to one woman who’s written the book on happiness, literally.

At the Women’s Jewelry Association’s In The Know conference Tuesday, keynote speaker Gretchen Rubin discussed her New York Times bestseller The Happiness Project: Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean my Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun.

Her session was followed by a book signing of her new book, Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives.

Rubin said that though a lot of people think it might be selfish to want to be happier in a world where so many are struggling and suffering, it has been shown that happy people are more interested in those around them, are more likely to help others, have better habits, are healthier and are more creative. On the other hand, those that are unhappy are defensive and tend to stay focused on their own problems.

So, it’s actually a selfless thing in the long run to be selfish and want to be happy, she said, as it ultimately ends up helping others as well.

The first important place to start, Rubin said, is with the body, as there’s a significant tie between happiness and energy levels.

“The first thing I’m going to say, and you’re going to laugh because it’s so basic, is that if you want to be happier, you have to get enough sleep,” she told the audience, adding that studies have shown that even people who think their bodies have been conditioned to run on less sleep still are “quite impaired” and need to get a regular seven hours.

Besides adequate sleep, also key is exercise, which Rubin referred to as the “magical elixir of life,” helping one stay healthy as well as fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer.

The second aspect to happiness is possessions, though Rubin noted that doesn’t necessarily mean getting rid of everything because for most people, the things they own do play a direct role in happiness levels.

This could just mean getting a handle on their placement in our space--staying uncluttered can help keep people stay calm and feel like they have a handle on life, and organizing special

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belongings in a mindful way in a place of “super engagement” also can keep people happy.

Here, Rubin gave the example of the “shrine” she has in her apartment; as a longtime lover of children’s literature, she created a special place on her family’s bookshelf for all of her books and trinkets fitting in that genre.

And the third, arguably most important, aspect of being happy is relationships. Having strong relationships means having support and someone to confide in and being able to offer that to others as well.

It’s important to have strong bonds with others and also to know ourselves well, she said.

Yet, “one of the sad truths about happiness is that the only person you can change is yourself,” Rubin said, so strengthening relationships and being happier requires a self-awareness of how one operates as a person and how that can be changed.

To help do this, Rubin developed a framework to help people classify their personalities in terms of how they manage expectations, both “outer” from others and “inner” that people have for themselves. The four categories are as follows.

1. Upholders respond readily to both outer and internal expectations, and, to them, it’s important to meet both.

2. Questioners ask questions about all expectations, rejecting outer and turning them into inner expectations. They love research and getting all the pertinent information to make a decision, but also can be burdened by this factor.

3. Obligers readily meet outer expectations but struggle to meet the goals they have set for themselves. They’re extremely reliable to others because for them, it’s more important to uphold the standards set by someone else than it is to be accountable for their own goals.

4. Rebels resist all expectations--outer and inner alike--and in fact might even do the opposite. They will do whatever they want and may even seek out the highest expectations set, just to be able to break the rules.

Though these tendencies can’t really be changed, by recognizing which category one falls into, and also through maturity, impulses can be changed, Rubin said.

The categories can help identify one’s own personality as well as that of others to better manage communications, which strengthens relationships with others and, ultimately, makes one a happier person.

Brecken Branstratoris the senior editor, gemstones at National Jeweler, covering sourcing, pricing and other developments in the colored stone sector.